Oh, The Places You'll Go...

I find myself back once again in a familiar place. My life has a cyclical quality to it - is it just me or does anyone else feel this way too? The place in which I find myself, while familiar, is not a place I enjoy being. It is a place full of unknowns. I am about to finish up my Masters degree and my time in Australia is quickly coming to an end, and yet, I do not feel any closer to knowing where I should go next or what I should do. I am back in the place of taking unsteady steps every which way, hoping all the while for some clear direction. I have been looking at jobs and trying to figure out if I feel particularly lead to one place or one job or one anything but I don't. I feel utterly confused. I know in my heart that God has a plan for me, one that is above and beyond what I could ever plan for myself. However, it is difficult right now for my head to accept this and not become prone to anxiety or stress about it. I am doing my best to take things one day at a time (like the 12 step program) and focus on the work at hand, rather than the unknowns of the future. I've been making some good progress in my school work this week and feel pretty good about where I am as far as being on task and getting things done. I guess that's all I can really ask for at this stage. I know that I will know what I am supposed to do and when and where all in God's timing...but I'm finding myself to be a little impatient and petulant and just wanting to know right now. I guess the reason I'm telling y'all this is to ask, once again, for prayers. I know that probably most of you have felt this at some point and can understand what I am feeling now. It just seems that the title of my blog is more accurate than I had initially planned. I truly do have a cyclical aspect of my life - even down to the timing. Every May, for the past three or four years, I have found myself in this exact situation. What am I missing? What is it that God is trying to teach me or show me that I am just still not getting? Why do I find myself here once again?

It is graduation time in the States and I know that what I am feeling now is probably what most graduates are feeling. However, I graduated 4 1/2 years ago and feel that I should be past this by now. I'm trying to give myself some leeway and not be too hard on myself, as I normally tend to be but I just can't believe I'm really here again. Now, please know that this is not a pity party or me fishing for sympathy/empathy. I just want y'all to know where I am and to ask you to be praying for me. I don't really know what to pray for myself at this point, simply that His will be done - whatever that is and whenever He sees fit.

I know I talked about this last time but I am so excited for brother to be here. Honestly, his coming has given me some much needed motivation to get things accomplished and stay on track with school work. Also, on top of brother being here in ONE WEEK, my Most Photographed Cousin Couple partner will be here in a little over two weeks. Thank you Lord for their coming. Your timing is perfect, as always, and I couldn't be more excited to have them both here. Just as a warning to them both: I may start crying when I see you (tears of extreme joy)- now I realize that neither of them read this but I also know my family and know that this message will be passed along to whom it concerns.

I hope that I didn't bring anyone down with my sharing but I truly feel much lighter just getting it all off my chest. I know that He is here, holding my hand and walking through every step with me. Sometimes it just becomes a bit overwhelming finding myself in a familiar, yet not a particularly welcoming, place. I love you all for the love and support that you continually shower upon me when I have done nothing to deserve it. I know, without a doubt, that I have the best family in the world, and I dare anyone to challenge me on that. I love y'all!

Heart-Sick, Homesick, Heavy-Hearted & Helpless

I know that all of you know about the devastating floods in Nashville and, as most of you are there now and lived through the flood, you would know more about it than I do. It is all a bit surreal being on the other side of the planet when something happens like this. I am so thankful, first and foremost, that all of my family and loved ones were kept safe and that minimal damage was done to their homes. Thank you Jesus!

However, having only been able to watch youtube clips, read news reports and see the horrible damage done to my hometown, I can't help but feel sad. I couldn't hold back the tears any longer and just had to have a good cry about it all. Although the people I love were kept from harm, places I love were not. It is hard to see neighborhoods that I know and roads that I have driven down oh so many times completely submerged in muddy flood water. Its hard knowing that the city I go back to in a few months will not be the same as it was when I left. With the millions of dollars in damage, there is just no way it can recover that quickly. I know it is a long road of recovery ahead.

I keep seeing people posting on facebook their pictures and links to media coverage and I can't tell you how proud I am to be a Nashvillian right now. Everything I have read has done nothing but talk about how much everyone has pitched in and helped each other and bent over backwards to help people they don't know throughout all of this. I love my hometown. I think we are pretty great. We may not be as famous as other cities but we are known worldwide - we are known for our hospitality and friendliness, in addition to that whole music thing. When I tell people, in any country I've been, that I am from Tennessee I get in this order: Elvis, Jack  Daniels & country music. While these are all great legacies in their own right, maybe now we will be recognised for our heart. This is one of those times when being in the middle of the Bible belt really pays off because I know that there are a lot of open doors and willing hands to help the people affected.

I know it seems a bit odd for me to be writing this as I was not directly affected by the flood and am not there now. However, since having heard about the flood and seeing the first pictures and news reports, I have felt that there was a cloud hanging over me and I wasn't sure why. I know now. It is a cloud of sadness and homesickness for my lovely hometown. I guess the closest thing I can relate what I am feeling to is the feeling of someone you love being sick, not horribly sick but just not well, and not being there to take care of them or do anything for them. You know they will recover but you wish you could do something because doing nothing makes you feel helpless. This is how I feel. Nashville is sick and I feel helpless but I know it will recover.

I don't want to ramble on, especially when most of you have been so inundated with flood coverage that you probably need a break from thinking about it. I just wanted y'all to know that I'm thinking about you and praying for you.

this is the Nashville flag -

Did y'all know we had a flag?

Am I the only one to whom this is new information?

In other news, brother gets here in a little less than 2 weeks and I couldn't be more excited! 13 days and counting! Woohoo! I've got a lot of work to get done before then but it will all be worth it to spend time with brother.